15 Things Your Partner Wishes You Knew About Love

Have you ever wondered what your partner might be holding back from saying? The things that build safety, reassurance, and consistency?

In the hustle of daily life, it’s easy to miss the subtle cues and unspoken desires that could deepen your connection. As a couples therapist, I’ve seen how much goes unsaid in relationships—not because there’s a lack of love, but because it can be hard to find the right words or the right moment. Or, you might even struggle knowing how to identify your needs. 

This blog is about bridging that gap. 

Whether it’s about their feelings, needs, or dreams, these insights are meant to help you see your partner with fresh eyes and open the door to richer conversations. Relationships thrive when we feel truly seen and heard, and sometimes the smallest shifts in understanding can lead to the biggest transformations. 

Let’s explore 15 things your partner might be quietly hoping you’ll understand about them, without the need for guesswork or assumptions. Let this list be your guide to fostering connection, empathy, and closeness in your partnership. 

1. When I tell you that I'm fine, it doesn't mean I'm upset with you and not telling you. It could mean that I'm trying to work through things. Please try not to take this personally.
2. Love isn't 50/50. It's 100/100. I’m loving you with all I have, in the best way I know how.
3. I don't view the world the same as you do. Things that you might perceive or assume will not be the same as me.
4. Love isn't about giving up all of ourselves. We need to co-create our worlds together.
5. A relationship is reciprocal. You need to show up in the relationship arena with me, and we mutually need to treat each other with respect and kindness.
6. A solid friendship will help us have a strong foundation in our relationship. It doesn't mean I won't need others in my circle of support - but it means I trust you, I am loyal to you, and I will speak to you with compassion.
7. Never stop being curious. Just because something existed once, doesn't mean it will continue to be that way. Each person has many private parts about themselves and it's our job in this relationship to continue getting to know each other throughout life.
8. When I tell you I disagree with you, it doesn't mean I think you are bad. It means I am a separate self and that we can both have different ideas.
9. When I ask you to validate me, it doesn't mean I'm asking you to tell me I'm right. I want you to see how I'm feeling and enter into my world. Tell me I'm okay.
10. Most times, it's rarely about the socks or the dishes. I have a need that isn't being met. It's my job to talk to you about those needs.
11. Being together means accepting all of me. You don't enter into a relationship to control the other person.
12. I am not going to be perfect in this relationship. I will make mistakes. I will also repair and apologize when I make mistakes.
13. Sometimes I just need to be in my feelings. I know if I'm grumpy, it doesn't feel good for you. Give me space. It's not always about you.
14. We must provide each other with safety - not just physical safety but also emotional safety. I will not use your words and vulnerability against you in difficult moments.
15. I will hold my word. My actions and words will align. This is the foundation of trust in our relationship.

Wanting your partner to accept, understand, trust and know you are core longings. When these needs are met (for both people)– often in the form of the examples above– that’s when the relationship thrives.

If any sound familiar, I encourage you to communicate them to your own partner to move toward a deeper place of understanding and connection.

Remember this: Relationships are complex and they exist in a context. The context matters - it means that you are two individuals that will constantly be changing and at the same time it requires you to choose every day to grow your tree branches together.

Keep growing together with my relationship program, Be Connected. Not only are there scripts (because I know you like them!), I walk you through all of the skills and tools I teach the couples in my therapy room so that you can feel more connected and like a team again. Learn more here.