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Loving Couple Wearing Pyjamas Hugging In Kitchen At Home Together

When Partners Don’t Show Their Emotions

“I just want to know what they are feeling!” is often a comment from women in my therapy office.

Frustrated. Unsure of what is happening for their partner. And feeling disconnected and alone.

This is not an easy space to be in.

The challenge?

We all learn to experience and express emotions differently. Moreover, we must recognize that for heterosexual relationships, men and women are socialized differently when it comes to their emotions. Not only do I see this clinically with couples and male clients, but I also continued to see it with the interactions of others with my children. When my daughter would fall down, comfort and validation from soft voices were provided. And for my son? “Brush it off! You’ve got this.” From these well-intentioned statements, what we implicitly teach boys is that the more “negative” emotions are not to be felt – and to carry on.

This creates a challenge in many heterosexual relationships, as one partner is longing to know how the other person is doing.

I received this question:

“How can I help my partner share their feelings with me? I know there is something going on for them, but I don’t know what to do.”

This video was initially shared on Instagram, and so the orientation is in portrait mode.

Some ways you may address this with your partner:

  • Ask open ended questions
  • Validate your partner sharing with you
  • Have a conversation about how your partner understands emotions
  • Share your need with your partner

Tell me below, what do you do when y0ur partner isn’t sharing with you?


Dr. Tracy

P.S. I help women that feel disconnected and overwhelmed strengthen their relationship by teaching them how to share their feelings and needs, solve everyday problems, and reconnect with their partner – in the comfort of your own home to make this work more manageable and accessible. Click here to learn more about my online program, Be Connected.

Remember, the information on this site is for information purposes only and does not substitute the care from a licensed mental healthcare provider.