Season 2 Episode 12: Overcoming Perfectionism and Showing Up Imperfectly

Let me set the scene.

The tree is up.

The lights are on.

The decorations are ready to be hung.

And I am envisioning the picture perfect moment… the kids gently hanging the bobbles (aka christmas balls) on the tree, while they smile with glee and I snap the perfect Instagram-worthy image.

Cue. Reality.

My kids are 3 and 5. Shiny things are exciting. There is chocolate on their face (because, why not?). And it’s madness. Balls are here and there. It looks like one child could fall into the tree. I’m not sure if something is going to get broken. Oh no, oh gosh, now there is a stool in front of the tree and my amazing littles are standing on the stool and balancing forward. Snowflake ornaments are everywhere.

And I pause. I take a breath. I welcome my perfectionistic voice and say, “Oh, hey there, I was wondering when you would show up this holiday season.”

The challenge with social media is that we see these beautifully crafted images without seeing what truly happened before. 

Family photos? Don’t even get me started – you know it didn’t look like “and everyone say cheese!” in one frame. 

Holiday get-togethers? Nope, not everyone is happy 100% of the time. 

The work project? Also probably didn’t go down as it is shown on social media.

The nursery and beautifully captured image of baby laying in the crib? This is the highlight reel.

So many women and mothers show up in my office struggling with high expectations  and perfectionism. 

The challenge? Life is not perfect. You are not meant to be perfect. There will be mistakes. It is not possible to be the perfect caregiver, partner and individual.  

And even more so? It’s a trait that society places on us.

And this pressure from society is not helpful.

Join me as I speak with Dr. Jen Douglas, a clinical assistant professor at Stanford University, licensed psychologist, and mental wellness speaker. She focuses on helping individuals overcome anxiety, perfectionism and trauma which may be holding them back from living their lives in the most full and authentic way.

In this episode, we discuss:

  • 13:47 – What is perfectionism and how does it show up for people?
  • 22:23 – Why do I strive for it?
  • 34:37 – What is the connection between burnout and perfectionism?
  • 48:09 – Overcoming the all or nothing thinking
  • 53:13 – What you can start doing now to help perfectionism

To find out more about Dr. Jen Douglas, visit her on Instagram, or check out her Freedom from Perfectionism course.

Click here to access it on iTunes now! Or check out the podcast on Spotify!

Now it’s your turn!  Join me over on Instagram, or leave me a note here about your 2020 and if you are experiencing burnout.

What’s Coming Next?

What happens when one person in a relationship doesn’t want to change? Tune into the next episode to find out more.

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