Unhappy couple arguing on the sofa

Instead of Blaming Your Partner, Try This.

When it comes to getting our needs met in our relationship, it matters what we show our partners.

Unfortunately, many individuals get stuck blaming their partners and expressing themselves through anger.

Why do we blame?

Blame is the discharge of uncomfortable emotions. We move into a blaming, critical, or angry space when we are struggling with pain, sadness, isolation, fear, or disconnection.

Unfortunately, blame stops us from getting our feelings and needs met, and works against us in our relationships.

It creates greater distance with our partners.

Here are some ways that you can start to shift out of blame.

So, when you get into a blaming space with your partner,

  • Try these strategies:
    • Learn to pause. Check out this IGTV for more on taking a Pause.
    • Reflect on what is happening for you in these moments. Possible questions include, “What is happening inside for me right now? What am I feeling underneath this anger?”
    • Instead of sharing your feelings in the moment, try returning to the conversation at another time when your emotions don’t feel so raw.
    • Share your internal experience, and focus on yourself, rather than your partner.
      • Use “I feel” language and talk about your needs.

Now it’s your turn.  Comment here, or come continue the conversation with me on Instagram, and let me know what other strategies you use to deal with anger and blame.