We have all heard it before, and maybe we have even said it.
“I’m sorry you feel that way.”
Initially, it doesn’t sound like a bad apology.
We are saying sorry, after all. Doesn’t that count?
We all know that feeling when someone apologizes but doesn’t really apologize. Or what about for ourselves, when we aren’t sure we have anything to apologize for.
Why is apologizing so hard? What makes a good apology?
This, and all of the other missteps we make when apologizing is what we are talking about in today’s podcast episode as I sit with my friend and colleague, Dr. Miriam Kirmayer to talk about apologies in our relationships.
Dr. Miriam Kirmayer is a clinical psychologist, writer, speaker, and leading friendship expert who has studied the science of friendship and social connection for over a decade. Her work focuses on helping others navigate life transitions, cultivate resilience and self-compassion, and build stronger relationships with the people who matter most, and she has appeared on several media outlets, including The Atlantic, Forbes, Women’s Health, and the TODAY SHOW. As a speaker and consultant, Dr. Kirmayer partners with businesses and organizations, including Bumble and Snap Inc., on events and initiatives related to social connection and mental health. Whether Dr. Kirmayer is working one-on-one with clients or sharing the science of connection and compassion, her goal is to help others create meaningful relationships and fulfilling lives. Dr. Kirmayer maintains a private practice in Montreal, Canada, where she lives with her husband and spirited son.
In this episode, we discuss:
– What are some of the common mis-steps we make when apologizing?
– The beliefs that lead people to struggle to apologize.
– Gender differences in apologizing.
– What makes up a good apology and why apologizing is so important.
– Should we apologize if we don’t think we are wrong?
– What can we do if the other person never apologizes?
– What are some things that we don’t need to apologize for?
– Do we use “I’m sorry” to hide our vulnerability?
Now it’s your turn! Join me over on Instagram, or leave me a note here about what makes a good and bad apology for you.
What’s Coming Next?
Ready to create more fairness in your relationship? Join me next time as I sit with Eve Rodsky, author of Fair Play.
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